The Christian life is meant to be lived in close community. The Bible teaches us to “love one another,” “bear one another’s burdens,” “encourage one another,” “pray for one another,” and “be at peace with one another.” We are strengthened and encouraged when we join hands with others who share our convictions.
Accountability and Encouragement of Fellow Believers
The Bible further instructs us to hold each other accountable. We are to “spur one another on to love and good deeds” and, at times, even “rebuke one another” (see Luke 17:3). Jesus taught His followers to confront believers who strayed spiritually and, if necessary, practice tough love. “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector” (Matthew 18:15-17).
Challenges of Having Hard Conversations
A pastor friend of mine discovered that a member of the church worship team was living with her boyfriend. He confronted her about her ongoing sin and highlighted that Christians are called to a life that embodies our identity in Christ, characterized by integrity, righteousness, and truth. He acknowledged that we all are sinners, yet Christians are expected to strive for purity and holiness in personal conduct. Furthermore, as a worship leader, she is held to a higher biblical standard, requiring her to model mature character and a godly lifestyle as an example to others. He counseled her to repent and move out of her boyfriend’s home.
The woman refused, prompting the pastor to inform her that she would be removed from the worship team. She reacted angrily and went crying to her parents. Coincidentally, her father was the chairman of the elders. He immediately took his daughter’s side and protested to the pastor, “This is exactly why people are disillusioned with the church. You’re judgmental and lack grace. Jesus loved sinners, yet here you are condemning them!”
As expected, that awkward situation caused no small stir in the church. Of course, it would have been much easier for my friend to have ignored the woman’s blatant sin. However, commendably, the other elders adhered to the teachings of Scripture and stood firm with the pastor, thus reinstating credibility and harmony within the congregation. Such resolve is becoming increasingly uncommon in an era where churches frequently reflect the culture rather than standing in marked contrast to it.
Loving Enough to Confront is Difficult but Required
The Bible repeatedly teaches Christians to confront and then withdraw from fellow believers who remain entangled in sin. The Apostle Paul gave strong instructions to the Corinthian church on how to handle flagrantly immoral Christians. “I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people—not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral… In that case, you would have to leave this world. But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people” (1 Corinthians 5:9-11).
That seems counterintuitive and not easy to do. However, the severity of Paul’s guidance underscores the importance of the church community in maintaining standards of Christian conduct that reflect their beliefs and commitments.
Paul reiterates the same principle in 2 Thessalonians 3:14-15. “Take special note of anyone who does not obey our instruction in this letter. Do not associate with them, in order that they may feel ashamed. Yet do not regard them as an enemy, but warn them as you would a fellow believer.”
The late Adrian Rogers, the respected pastor of Belleview Baptist Church in Memphis, reminded his congregation, “It is better to be divided by truth than to be united in error. It is better to speak the truth that hurts and then heals, than falsehood that comforts and then kills. It is not love, and it is not friendship if we fail to declare the whole counsel of God. … It is better to be hated for telling the truth than to be loved for telling a lie. It is better to stand alone with the truth than to be wrong with the multitude.”
Our first responsibility is not to speculate how a Christian in flagrant sin might react to confrontation but to obey God’s Word. Having hard conversations with fellow believers requires trust in the Holy Spirit to work in their hearts. Hopefully, they will repent and change their ways. However, should they respond negatively and never repent, we must continue to trust that our obedience is meaningful. While the goal is to foster repentance and restoration, confrontation and dissociation shield the church from the damaging effects of persistent and unrepentant sin. Furthermore, upholding a distinct standard of behavior between the church and the world stands as a testimony to the transformative power of the Gospel.
