READ MATTHEW 19
Few subjects elicit more controversy among believers than divorce and remarriage. It’s often such an emotional issue that it’s impossible to discuss it rationally. It’s such a difficult matter to resolve because some situations are so complex that simple answers don’t satisfy. While we want to remain true to the high standard of Scripture, we also want to be compassionate to people in horrible situations.
Divorce was a sensitive subject in Jesus day also because it was so common. Jesus once encountered a Samaritan woman who had been married five times. So when the Pharisees attempted to ambush Jesus they asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason?” Thorny question. But Jesus didn’t tiptoe around it. He reminded them of God’s intention. “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female…?’” (Matthew 19:4).
GOD’S IDEAL STANDARD
Marriage is a divine union. It was God who initiated the institution of marriage and it’s not our right to dissolve it, redefine it or disregard it.
Marriage is a contrasting union. God, “…made them male and female.” Polygamy, gay marriage and other deviations are not marriages in God’s eyes regardless of what liberal courts or state governments decree.
Marriage is a sexual union. The two become one flesh. Physical intimacy is a sacred privilege for those who make a life-long commitment. God provided a thrilling means for married couples to bond together, in part, so they would have an incentive to overcome the inevitable challenges and disagreements that arise.
Marriage is a permanent union. “… what God has joined together, let man not separate.” There is no escape clause in God’s marriage covenant. Permanency is needed for children’s security, sexual fulfillment and cultural stability.
MOSES’ CONCESSION
“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard” (Matt. 19:8-9).
While the ideal didn’t change, Moses dealt with such heartless people that he had to make some concessions to protect innocent children and family members.
There were some rare occasions in my ministry when I conceded that divorce was the right option even though there was no evidence of infidelity – simply because hearts were so hard. A man brutally abuses his wife or children. His heart is so calloused that he refuses to repent. What am I to tell her? Or what am I to tell a husband whose wife has horrific addictions that sap all resources and threaten the well-being of the children. Her heart is so hard and mind so numbed that she will not seek help even after years of pleading.
The Apostle Paul conceded that divorce was the right option in cases of abandonment. “But if the unbeliever (makes serving Christ difficult) and then decides to leave let him do so.” “A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace” (1 Corinthians 7:15).
JESUS REPEATS THE IDEAL
Jesus reminded the Pharisees, “But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery” (Matthew 19:7-9).
In spite of the cultural acceptance, Jesus decreed that divorce among God’s people was permitted for only one reason: marital unfaithfulness. However, even in cases of adultery it’s still preferable that there be repentance, forgiveness and restoration. Over the years I’ve witnessed dramatic examples of reconciliation in what appeared to be hopeless marriages. With God all things are possible!
Admittedly, this is not an easy issue. But friends, we are not to be conformed to the world! We present a terrible testimony to the world when our divorce rate mirrors that of the culture of secular society. That should not be! Jesus made it clear that marriage vows are to be kept. So, develop a permanent mind-set. Work through problems. Do the loving thing even when you don’t feel like it. Believe God’s promise that obedience ultimately brings blessing.
What a positive testimony it would be if divorce in the Christian community was unheard of! If the world witnessed loving, solid marriages in the family of God — the church – it would be so contagious you couldn’t keep people away! After all, marriage was meant to be a demonstration of God’s relationship with us. And we want Him to love us and stay with us even though we’re imperfect.
“This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Eph. 5:32-33)
