Bob & Judy Russell, May 29, 2015, 50th Wedding Anniversary

Fifty years ago this past Friday I stood in front of a little country church in Ohio and made a vow to be faithful to Judy Kay Thomas until we were separated by death. This past week we celebrated our 50th anniversary by spending a few days with our family in The Smoky Mountains – the same area where Judy and I honeymooned five decades ago. By now our family has expanded to include two sons, two daughters-in-law and seven grandchildren. We couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate.

There are tremendous advantages to being married to the same person for fifty years. You can relax and enjoy each other’s company without having to entertain each other. You can be confident that you are the most important person in existence to at least one other person in the world. There’s the security of knowing there’s someone who knows everything about you and still loves you anyway.

Some people congratulate couples on their golden anniversary as if they’ve just won an endurance contest, “Wow! You’ve managed to stick it out for fifty years!” Every marriage has some rough spots and ours is no exception, but I’m thankful that Judy and I have not just endured fifty years together, we’ve enjoyed our time together and we can’t imagine it being any other way.

As a tribute to my wife I’d like to list the top ten reasons why she’s been easy to love and enjoyable to be with. I apologize for the length of this blog but there’s a lot to be thankful for!

1. Family heritage – Both our parents were happily married for more than fifty years. That set the standard for what we both wanted our home to be.

2. Mutual Faith – No matter how good a marriage is, sometimes you don’t like each other very much and you stay together for the sake of Christ.  The commitment to obey God’s Word eliminates any consideration of divorce and motivates reconciliation. “If I’m going to live with this person the rest of my life, I’d better work this out or I’ve got a tough life ahead,” is a lot different attitude than, “If you don’t change I’m leaving!”

3. Even temperament – Judy has a steady personality. She’s like Jesus- “…the same yesterday, today and forever.” My personality fluctuates more than hers, but I always knew what she would be like when I came home. The one quality most young men underestimate in looking for a wife may be, “Is she easy to live with?”

4. Low maintenance – My wife has never demanded a lot of attention. She is not easily wounded. She doesn’t overspend. I’ve never known her to fake a tear. She’s not into theatrics or melodrama in order to be noticed.

5. Attractive appearance – Judy was pretty when I married her and she has continued to care for her appearance. I really appreciate that. It’s inevitable that we both change. We gain weight, lose hair and earn some wrinkles, but my wife is still attractive to me after five decades. I now love her for who she is on the inside but I still like the outside too!

6. Frequent affection – Of the five love languages listed by author Gary Chapman, Judy’s is physical touch. She would rather I gently pat her on the face than buy her expensive gifts (with a few exceptions!). That need is easy to satisfy and saves a lot of money. Her consistent, warm responsiveness to me also eliminates temptation and makes me eager to come home.

7. Needed space – She doesn’t “smother me” with love. We’d often go our separate ways at church and say, “meet you at the end of the second service.” Sometimes I go on speaking engagements and golf trips and she occasionally takes short trips with friends or spends the day with her own interests. I think that’s healthy. The old adage holds true for a long marriage: “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

8. Realistic expectations – A lot of marriages struggle because of unrealistic fantasies. Couples who expect everyday romance and constant pampering discover those images are impossible to live up to. I think many minister’s marriages fail because the wife discovers the preacher doesn’t always practice what he preaches. She expects him to be super-spiritual and he’s not.

Judy inspires me to grow spiritually but doesn’t panic when I fail. She has one Jesus and doesn’t expect me to be Him. She’s not devastated when I’m not very joyous or pious at home. She very seldom quotes my sermon to me as a reminder that I’m not practicing what I preached.  While that may be true, would be humiliating to hear.

9. Frequent Encouragement – Thirty years ago my wife gave me a devotional Bible that reads, “To my husband, my friend, my lover and my favorite preacher.” She has repeatedly found ways to communicate respect and boost my ego over the years. Everyone needs a lot of encouragement. I’m no exception.

Few things have meant more to me over the years than Judy’s discreet pat on my knee when I sit down beside her after I’ve preached a sermon. At that vulnerable, emotional moment, that simple gesture has so often reassured me that she thinks I’ve done well. Many times after a not-so-impressive sermon, on the way home from church she’s assured me that the message was really pretty good even though she had to be tired of trying to boost up my fragile ego.

10. Total Trust – Judy has a positive self-image and I like the fact that she’s been confident of her worth to me. She’s knows I could never find anyone to replace what she does for me so very seldom does she get jealous or suspicious. I very seldom gave her a reason to be.

11. Unselfish attitude – (I know I said top ten reasons but I can’t stop at ten) We’re all selfish at times. But Judy has been willing to serve and sacrifice herself more than almost anyone I know.

For forty years as the wife of the minister of Southeast Christian Church, she was content for me to be in the limelight while she assisted in the shadows. Over the years she served as the church pianist, nursery worker, Wednesday night cook, (her least favorite job) women’s ministry coordinator, women’s choir director, tape ministry director and bookstore manager. She served on two major building committees and various other church committees and then politely smiled and graciously applauded when people praised me for the healthy growth of Southeast Christian Church. She very seldom complained about being taken for granted. That kind of unselfishness is rare…and special.

12. Classy demeanor – The first time I noticed Judy Thomas she was singing with a girls trio at a conference in Cincinnati. She was poised and somewhat reserved. Opposites attract and her classy appearance and unflappable conduct impressed me. Still does. She never got super-excited at my athletic achievements nor did she whoop it up after one of my talks. But she never embarrasses me and often coaches me in proper etiquette. She’s helped me play it way over my head when I was squirming in sophisticated circles and her tutoring has often saved me from embarrassment.

This already lengthy tribute would be longer if I took time to describe Judy as a good housekeeper, prayer warrior, efficient administrator, wise counselor, excellent mother and adored grandmother.   If no one else has read this far, I know that my wife will, because I’m important to her. So thanks, Judy. You’re truly “the wind beneath my wings” and for fifty years God has honored us, “…immeasurably more than what we asked or imagined”.

Given the opportunity, I’d marry you again in a heartbeat!