On Valentine’s Day several years ago, I decided to try something extraordinarily romantic. I was passing by a flower shop and noticed it was promoting Valentine’s packages. So, impulsively I spent $85 on a beautiful bouquet of roses and a mushy card expressing my love for my wife, Judy. She was grocery shopping when I returned home, so I placed the flower arrangement and card on the kitchen counter for her to discover when she arrived.

Upon her return, I sat quietly in the adjoining room and waited for her to notice the gift. While I anticipated an enthusiastic reaction, I only heard the sounds of her routinely putting the groceries away. Eventually, she came over to where I was seated, gave me a quick kiss, and casually said, “Thanks for the roses. That was sweet of you.” Then she went about her business.

I thought, “That was it? I spent $85 for a perfunctory kiss and a ‘That was sweet of you’?” I was a little disappointed. Now, to be fair, I know Judy is not a highly emotional or demonstrative person. I tease that she is like Jesus – the same yesterday, today, and forever! So, I did not expect her to squeal with delight, burst into tears, or open the window and exclaim to the neighbors, “I’m married to the greatest husband in the whole wide world!” Yet I was hoping for a little more enthusiasm than that.

A few years ago, Gary Chapman wrote an insightful book called “The Five Love Languages – The Secret to Love That Lasts.” It highlighted that people are wired differently and, therefore, respond to love language differently. For instance, some are thrilled by thoughtful gifts, while others are elated by words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, or physical touch. Since what may delight one person may mean very little to another, our love should be communicated in ways that the other person will likely receive well.

Although, at first, I was a little disappointed with my wife’s lack of excitement over the expensive roses, I soon remembered her love language was not thoughtful gifts but physical touch. When she returned home, I should have warmly embraced her, cupped her pretty face in my two hands, kissed her, and whispered, “Happy Valentine’s Day!” She would have melted. Plus, it would have been much less expensive!

Judy and I will celebrate 58 years of marriage this May. The world may scoff at marital longevity and consider it boring. However, there are some wonderful rewards to having an enduring marital love. One of the best is confidently knowing that someone considers you as the most important person in the world and loves you more than anyone. Yet the ultimate confidence comes from knowing you and your spouse love Christ most of all and that together you are determined to be obedient and honor your marriage unto death. That sort of confidence makes it worth working through difficult times when romance vacillates, mistakes cause disappointment, and even when trust is violated. In addition, an enduring marital love provides security for our children and grandchildren and serves as an example of God’s love for us.

The Bible describes a lasting marriage in this way: “This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:32-33).

While Valentine’s Day is not exclusively a spiritual holiday, it is a good excuse for Christian couples to express their love and respect for one another. Husbands, be wise and do something special for your wife. Consider her primary love language and respond accordingly. Wives, likewise, do something unselfish and thoughtful for your husbands. Both of you should set an example for others of how a loving, permanent marital relationship looks. Your children and grandchildren should see your love for one another and say, “That is what I want for my marriage in the future.

A bell is not a bell
until someone rings it,
a song is not a song
until someone sings it.
Love wasn’t put
in the heart to stay,
for love isn’t love
until you give it away. 

 Author: Oscar Hammerstein II

“Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another” (1 John 4:11)

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