Occasionally people ask my opinion on various personal or church issues. I recently received the following question which I have reprinted below, followed by my response.

QUESTION

Bob,

I attend a group that meets about once a month to talk about old times and play games.  We come from all kinds of different backgrounds. All of us are Christians with the probable exception of one person who regularly curses and sometimes uses the Lord’s name in vain.  I don’t think he even realizes the language he uses. I asked one member of the group who knows him much better than the rest how he thought the individual would react if one of us had a private discussion with him about not using that kind of language.  He said, “I don’t think he would take it well and he would probably drop out of the group.  That is just him.  I don’t think he is a believer.”

What advice can you offer me?   Do I approach this person in private and gently talk about our concerns and risk him dropping out and losing his friendship?  If so, are we risking an opportunity to share the gospel with him in the hope that he will get to know Jesus?  

Any advice you can give us is most appreciated.

MY ANSWER

Your account reminds me of an experience I had years ago. A preacher friend from Champaign, Illinois was visiting, and we decided to play nine holes of golf one afternoon. A stranger was paired up with us on the first tee. This guy was a good golfer, but we soon learned he was more proficient at profanity. There was something wrong with almost every shot, and he let fly with one curse word after another.

Neither of us said anything as he continued to turn the air blue for over an hour. About the seventh tee, as he was getting ready to hit, he casually asked, “Where do you fellows work?” I said, “I’m a preacher here in town, and my friend is a preacher from Illinois.” You could almost see the blood drain from this guy’s face. He gulped, addressed his ball and proceeded to hit the worst shot he’d hit all day. He topped the ball, and it rolled for only about 50 yards. He immediately put his hands on his hips and softly mumbled, “Well, nuts!” It’s amazing how quickly language can be adjusted.

There are two schools of thought about how to handle the kind of situation you describe.  Some think it’s wise to express objection as quickly and tactfully as possible.  But I am of the opinion that it’s best not to confront the guy who is using offensive language.  The real problem is not the words he uses but the fact that his heart is hardened to the Lord. Jesus said, “For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matt 12:34).

Even though you find his language objectionable, unless it is dragging others down (for example in the presence of children), I wouldn’t say anything.  I would hope that eventually, he will catch on that he’s the only one using profanity and adjust.

The Apostle Paul wrote, “We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us” (2 Cor. 5:20).  We are Christ’s diplomats seeking to represent Him in a foreign country. Our goal is to transform this guy’s heart, not just to stop him from cursing.

Instead of talking about his profanity, since the majority in your group are Christians, why not collectively look for ways to invite him to attend church with you or talk with him about the Lord in some manner? It would be a good day when, after a spiritual transformation, he says, “I can’t believe the way I used to talk in front of you guys.  I’m really embarrassed about that.  Thanks for your patience with me.”  Second Corinthians 5:17 reads, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come.”

– Bob

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only that which is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29)

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