Occasionally people ask my opinion on various personal or church issues. I recently received the following question which I have reprinted below, followed by my response.

QUESTION

Bob,

My friend told me her middle-aged son has come out as gay and wanted me to be one of the first people she told.  I have told her so many times what a nice young man he is.  She was afraid I would not think so now.  I assured her that I still felt the same about him and would always love him.

She said now I would understand that she would not be able to attend my church with me because of that. She doesn’t attend ANY church regularly. I treasure her friendship. I have prayed about this a lot and do NOT want to sound judgmental! How can I be her good Christian friend?  I have lost a lot of sleep over this. I appreciate your kind help.

MY ANSWER

It’s encouraging that your friend has informed you about her son’s involvement in the homosexual lifestyle. She obviously trusts and respects you a great deal. Being aware of his behavior doesn’t eliminate the fact that you consider him a nice person and you want the best for him.  And it shouldn’t change your friendship with her. However, it’s a different story if your friend is asking you to endorse homosexuality as moral behavior.

When your friend said she chooses not to go to your church, I assume it’s because the church takes the Biblical stand that to yield to same-sex attraction is wrong…just as it’s wrong for any person to participate in any sexual activity outside of marriage.  Every Bible-believing church is going to honor marriage and regard extra-marital sexual activity as sinful.  Romans 1:26-32 makes it clear that God prohibits homosexuality and warns us not to approve of those who practice it.

The fact that you know and like someone who announces that he is gay shouldn’t change your Biblically-based view about immoral activity. Personality doesn’t trump principle.  If you have a close friend who is tempted to use cocaine and he regularly yields to that temptation you probably wouldn’t conclude, “Drug addiction is good.” I’m confident you would do your best to persuade him/her to make tough choices and refrain from the drug activity that would ultimately be self-destructive no matter how intense the cravings might be.  I doubt if your friend’s mother would refuse to attend a church that taught about the harmful consequences of drug addiction.

First Peter 2:11 urges us to “…abstain from sinful desires that war against your soul.” We have all inherited a carnal nature from Adam and we all battle sinful desires. Those innate desires differ from one another, but we don’t say to a child with a bad temper, “Go ahead and throw things and hit others since you feel like it.” On the contrary, we train the child to restrain his wrong impulses and practice self-control.

If people are involved in an activity that is endangering their health, their future and their eternity, it is the loving response to warn them of the perils of their lifestyle, not to endorse it or look the other way. Our prayer for them is that they will follow the example of some of the members of the Corinthian Church. The Apostle Paul listed many wicked behaviors, including homosexuality, and then added, “And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of God” (1 Cor. 6:11).

There is no sin that God can’t forgive. There is no sinner that God can’t save and sanctify. In the meantime, I pray that this young man’s behavior doesn’t separate you from a good friend.  To avoid that it may be wise to graciously express to your friend that you very much care for her son even though you don’t approve of his choices, but you certainly hope you can continue to be close friends.  Then, once the matter is discussed and understood, you should be able to move on.

– Bob

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