Occasionally people ask my opinion on various personal or church issues. I recently received the following question which I have reprinted below, followed by my response.
QUESTION:
Bob, there are many pastors who preach that believers will see our loved ones again in heaven, based on an interpretation of I Thess. 4:17 that death is just a temporary separation. I was married for over 20 years when my husband passed away. I remarried five years later but my son is very angry and will not have anything to do with my current husband. My daughter is slowly warming up to him. My first husband was a great husband and father, but I feel as though I am made to look like I am disgracing him by remarrying another. I realize the Bible says there will be no marriages in heaven, but the idea of loved ones reuniting in heaven with more than one spouse is sort of confusing to me. Can you shed some light on my dilemma?
MY ANSWER:
The Bible makes it very clear that a widow is permitted to remarry. In fact in some cases the Bible actually encourages it. The Apostle Paul wrote, “I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander (1 Timothy 5:14). (See also 1 Corinthians 7:8-9).
However, the children of the deceased often have a hard time accepting the fact that their mother or father is capable of loving more than one person. The tension that you speak of is very common, because to the children it seems disloyal for their parent to remarry – even years later.
Matthew 18:15 teaches us to have one-on-one discussions with fellow Christians when we disagree. So, if you haven’t done so, I would suggest having an open, loving discussion with your children in which you explain to them that a second child does not make you love the first child any less and marrying again does not make you love their father any less. It’s not a matter of competition but a matter of the need for companionship and living in different chapters of life. If they still object, maintain communication but don’t be held hostage by their immaturity.
The bottom line is your children need to get over it. Life goes on and we all need to make the most of every day God gives us. You can help them get over it by not pampering them or catering to their objections. Bad behavior shouldn’t be rewarded.
The Sadducees once posed a hypothetical question to Jesus regarding the resurrection. “If a woman outlives six husbands and marries seven men, whose wife will she be in heaven?” Jesus answered that in heaven people are not married nor are they given in marriage but they will be like the angels of heaven. (See Matthew 22:30.)
Jesus didn’t imply the woman was wrong to remarry. Neither did He suggest we’re not going to recognize each other in heaven. He said relationships in heaven are going to be on a higher level than we’ve experienced on earth. Admittedly we can’t fully understand that now, but in the meantime we need to trust Jesus’ words and live each day on earth to the fullest. That means we don’t make rules where God hasn’t made rules and we don’t allow other the opinions of others to restrict our freedom.
Referring to matters of opinion, the Apostle Paul wrote, “Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand” (Romans 14:4).
– Bob
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