Occasionally people ask my opinion on various personal or church issues. I recently received the following question which I have reprinted below, followed by my response.

QUESTION:

My wife is a Christian and I am atheistic. We have a great marriage and are very much in love. We just had our first child and are trying to come to grips with how we will “religiously” raise our child. As my Christian wife wouldn’t want her child to be indoctrinated into Islam, Hinduism, or Buddhism, I would not want my son indoctrinated into Christianity. I want him to make his own choice about religion (or lack thereof) when he’s of the age to weigh the evidence, look at the facts, and make his own decision. I think this is a reasonable desire. 

There have been recent instances where my son has been given Christian-themed gifts, been prayed over, and been sung Christian worship songs while babysat by family members. What is the best way for me to approach a Christian (both my wife and other family members/friends) and communicate that I don’t want my son indoctrinated into one religion? I am concerned that they will mistake my desire for neutrality as hostility towards their beliefs. As a Christian, how would you convince a fellow believer that allowing a child to discover his own belief system is the right thing to do?

MY ANSWER:

Thanks for your stimulating question. I have to confess as a Christian preacher, my gut reaction to your email is to encourage you to become a believer in Jesus Christ and then your disagreement with your wife would be resolved. It’s such a simple solution! I’m sure she would be elated and would love you even more. You would experience the joy of knowing your sins are forgiven through the blood of Christ and of having the assurance of eternal life by God’s grace. In my mind nothing could be better than that!

However, out of respect for your right to choose to be an atheist and your stated intention to continue to be an unbeliever as your child grows older, I will try to resist my desire to convert you.

Glad to hear you have a good marriage and you and your wife love each other a great deal. You are blessed. However, the issue of how to raise your child may pose a serious threat to your marriage relationship in the future. This is probably one of the reasons that Christians are advised in Scripture not to marry non-believers. The love and training of the children can become a wedge that drives couples apart. So, I think you are wise to try to resolve the issue early on.

I commend your desire to train your child to think for himself so he can make a decision on his own someday. As fathers we instinctively feel a heavy responsibility to raise our children to be able to function without us in the world. You probably conclude that nurturing instinct is the result of millions of years of evolution. I am confident that inclination is God-given for the well-being of the child.

I don’t think your expressed desire for neutrality in religious matters is a reasonable request because it’s an impossibility. One either believes or doesn’t believe…there is no neutral ground. Jesus said, “Whoever is not with me is against me.”  Someone made the analogy that claiming to be neutral about Jesus Christ is like a paratrooper being neutral about pulling the rip chord. A person has to make a choice!

There are ten digits in my cell phone number. That means there are over a billion possible wrong numbers and only one correct number that will reach me. The God of the Bible claims to be the one true God and that all other gods are false. Apparently your wife believes that to be true. To ask her not teach her son about God is asking her to disobey the command in God’s Word to teach her children the truth about the Lord. That places her in a difficult position of making a choice between yielding to the desire of her husband or yielding to the instruction of God. There’s no neutral ground for her.

Your child is automatically going to be indoctrinated to atheism by your example and attitude. The more he loves you the more he will be influenced by you. He will also be influenced into disbelief by many in the entertainment industry and in educational circles. To refuse your wife the privilege of countering that by exposing him to Christian people and Biblical teaching seems grossly unfair and imbalanced to me. How will he make a reasoned choice for or against Christianity if he is not given sufficient exposure to it?

If I were you I’d ask myself why you want your son to be an atheist. What advantage is there for him to be an unbeliever? Does an atheist have a more fulfilling life? More peace? More hope? More joy? More close friends? If you’re a true atheist who believes there is no God, no judgment, no life after death, what harm is it if he becomes a believer like your wife? What does it matter? Surely your son is not a trophy indicating who wins the debate between you and your wife. Are you concerned that if your son is exposed to Christianity growing up it will reduce his respect for you? Are you then more willing for him to grow up disrespecting his mother?I acknowledge those are not easy questions but I would encourage you to examine your motives in wanting to isolate him from any Christian influence.

For the sake of harmony in the home, and peace with relatives and friends, why not just give your wife freedom in this area? Your son will soon reach the age where he will challenge all teaching from his childhood. He will then make a choice. Sadly, my observation is that the chances are pretty good that he will side with his dad. I hope not. My prayer is that you will continue to examine the evidence for God and change your mind before he is much older and that he would grow up with a mother and father who are both strong believers.

Since I can’t totally resist my instinct to try to lead you to faith, may I suggest two things? First, objectively read the Bible for yourself. Start with the gospel of Luke and read through the New Testament. The Bible says, “… faith comes by hearing the message, and the message is heard through the Word about Christ.” Usually faith doesn’t come by observing Christians or reading about Christianity, but by objectively studying the Bible.

Secondly I would recommend you read The Case For Christ by Lee Stroble, a former editor with the Chicago Tribune. Lee was an atheist but when his wife became a Christian he was motivated to study the Scripture and eventually became a believer himself. The book helps explain his journey and his reasons for believing.

I pray God will bless your search and your family.

– Bob

Follow @BobRussellKY on Twitter