A minister friend had an affair several years ago. He lost his wife, devastated his children, wounded his church and gave the enemies of Christ an occasion to blaspheme. I was so disgusted with him that after a surface attempt to contact him failed, I didn’t try anymore.
He had failed to walk the talk. He knew Paul’s admonition in 1 Corinthians 6:18-20, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”
A year later one of the fallen preacher’s closest friends asked me to try to contact him again. When I did, I rejoiced that he had repented and was gradually being restored to an obedient life. He was certainly wrong in committing adultery but an email he sent helped me understand a part of the reason. With his permission I share what he wrote.
“My ministry went well. I succeeded in each area where a metric could be attached. Influence expanded, sons became devoted followers of Jesus. (My ex-wife) and I had a solid partnership in so many respects.
A troubling issue existed just under the surface of so much good. There was almost no intimacy between my wife and me. The lack of emotional intimacy was exhibited by the lack of physical intimacy (Sex maybe three times a year….sometimes six months would pass with almost no touching)… and please know…this is NOT an excuse. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR MY BEHAVIOR. NONE. PERIOD. We didn’t fight EVER (red flag) We parented our kids well, we had a mutually satisfactory distribution of labor, we shared common Christian values, we were each well loved by the other’s parents…all was idyllic, except intimacy.
After years of begging for change, crying in the night, communicating my feelings, asking her to go to counseling with me – all to no avail, I resigned in my marriage. My heart took a slow journey to a cold place, like a flame suffocating, while flickering… A perfect storm of depression, burn-out, marital struggle, empty nest and temptation hit my life so hard and I fell in devastating ways into unfaithful and immoral living.”
While the wayward preacher needed to review 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 his wife could have helped him by complying with the passage that follows in 1 Corinthians 7. “…..since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Corinthians 7:2-5) ………..Enough said.
