I recently read two alarming statistics about children who grow up in the church.
One came from a veteran youth pastor who shared his experience after more than two decades of ministry. He recognized that many of the kids who were leaving the faith after graduation, included the ones who seemed very committed — who attended every program, memorized the most Scripture, and never missed a mission trip. One young woman who had led teen worship for years posted on social media the week after leaving home, “Finally free to admit I haven’t believed any of this for years.” Her parents were devastated.
His experience lines up with what researchers have found nationally. According to the Barna Group, 64% of young adults who grew up attending church withdrew from church involvement by their late twenties. The youth pastor’s conclusion? Most church programs give kids a lot of entertainment but very little substance. “We tell them ‘just believe’ while their schools teach them ‘question everything.’ Guess which message wins when they’re 18?”
The second statistic came from church leadership guru and podcaster Carey Nieuwhof: “By the time your congregation arrives at church ready to be discipled, they’ve already spent 49 hours of screen time that week being formed by algorithms, each click reinforcing whatever caught their attention. A 30-minute message and two hours of small group hardly stand a chance against it.”
Jesus warned us about this. “For the people of this world are more shrewd in dealing with their own kind than are the people of the light” (Luke 16:8). Satan’s minions are often shrewder in persuading people to resist God than we are in trying to disciple them to trust Christ completely. He also said, “I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves” (Matthew 10:16). Church leaders need to be perceptive about the spiritual attacks being leveled daily on their kids from social media and the educational system and seek ways to counter it when possible.
It’s way beyond time for the church to make dramatic changes in youth programming. I don’t know what all the solutions are, but I’m confident it’s not more entertainment and praise bands. I agree with those who suggest more apologetics and practical experience in defending their faith — that maybe instead of hiring additional youth ministers, churches should train and employ parent ministers who can give practical guidelines to young couples about how to instill faith in their kids so that when they are older they will not depart from it.
But the primary changes need to take place in Christian homes. Kids spot phoniness and rebel against it. Parents need to be fervently intentional about training their children. As Moses taught the Israelites, “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates” (Deuteronomy 6:6–8).
What does that look like in practice? I asked a mother who raised four children—all now grown and serving the Lord faithfully—what she did that helped her kids remain true to their calling. Her reply is worth reading carefully:
I raised my own kids. Full-time, 24/7. Not a daycare. Not a nanny or a babysitter or another family member. Not a public school. Not even a Christian school. I was with them from the time they woke up in the morning until they went to bed—and even with them when they woke up in the middle of the night.
This made it possible to practice the Deuteronomy 6 principle of always being able to talk about the Lord and His precepts “as you walk along the way”… etc. Our philosophy as parents was that these four kids were our primary mission field, our primary disciples, and we would do whatever it took to make sure they knew God’s Word and His character and His gospel and that so much as it depended upon us—they would make it to heaven.
We only chose Christian curriculum from a conservative biblical worldview for our homeschooling. (I’m surprised to find how many people do not do this!) And we made the CHURCH the center of our social life. Our whole week revolved around the church. Their friends came from church. Our activities were church activities, and they served alongside us as soon as they were able. Yes, they loved church as little kids but loved it even more when they began serving. Also, they sat under great preaching and learned how to love God’s Word.
We had meals together as a family every night. We sat at a table with nothing else distracting—no TV, no phones, etc. And we TALKED ABOUT EVERYTHING. We didn’t only talk about the day. Sometimes we talked about people… their friends, our friends, church members… and when we did, we were careful to teach them about “grace and truth.” (“Why is this person happy all the time? Why does this person struggle so much?”) But we also talked about movies and music and pop culture and news and politics and world events and analyzed them from a biblical perspective. We were always teaching discernment. Why this movie is dangerous. Why this lyric is false. Why this might sound good on the surface but actually hurts the poor. Why this event or this leader is warned about in Bible prophecy. Why we are not citizens of this world and we should prepare for persecution here—but we long for our true home.
We saturated our kids with truth, but our home was filled with love and affection and joy. Some people struggle with that balance. Dr. Dobson said that in the early years of parenting your child must believe two things: (1) That he must obey you. (2) That you love him unconditionally. We prayed hard to be successful at both. But when they became teenagers we began treating them more like adults that we were coaching instead of tightening the reins at a time when they are more ready for responsibility and freedom. We loosened up and coached from the sidelines. Instead of becoming bitter rivals, we began building a friendship because the foundation had already been laid. And we prayed a lot. And God’s grace was upon us. We are blessed.
Sound extreme? Not if you are serious about raising your children to be lifelong followers of Christ and realize Satan is mounting an all-out attack on your kids’ spiritual values. If 64% are walking away, we don’t stand a chance unless discipleship becomes daily, relational, and woven into real life.
