When George W. Bush was president, First Lady Laura Bush recalls an overnight visit in his parents’ home – the former president and Mrs. Herbert Walker Bush. Laura related, “George woke up at 6:00 a.m. as usual and went downstairs to get a cup of coffee. As he sat down on the sofa with his parents, he put his feet up on the coffee table. And all of a sudden, Barbara Bush yelled, ‘George! Put your feet down.’
“George’s dad replied, ‘For goodness sake, Barbara, he’s the president of the United States.’ And Barbara said, ‘I don’t care. I don’t want his feet on my coffee table.’” The president promptly did as he was told, for as Laura Bush observed, “Even presidents have to listen to their mothers.”
One of the most difficult challenges of being a mother is having the Godly wisdom and inner strength to release her children appropriately. While young mothers are eager for each child to mature, they are reluctant to give them too much freedom too fast. They anticipate the day their infant smiles, walks, and talks, but it’s not easy to put a child on a school bus and wave goodbye. Deep inside, mom knows that’s just the beginning. The child is slowly pulling away, seeking independence.
And when she takes them to a college campus for the first time, waves goodbye at the airport when they’ve enlisted in the military, or sits on the front row at a wedding, there’s a knot in her stomach because she feels she’s losing a part of her own soul. She fears they may be gone forever. But she usually discovers they do come back for visits. Then she’s grateful to see them come and grateful to see them leave. But most good parents still struggle to release.
Even Jesus’ mother seemed to have difficulty releasing her child. When Jesus began His ministry at age 30, He became so busy that He didn’t take time to rest. And the religious leaders were so insanely jealous of His popularity they threatened to kill Him. Mary came to intervene — to rescue Him and take Him home. “Then Jesus’ mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent someone in to call him” (Mark 3:31). Mark explains they came to take charge of him, for they said, “He is out of his mind.”
On the one hand, Mary was proud that Jesus was helping people, as he had done when performing a miracle at the wedding feast in Cana. On the other hand, she wanted to protect him from danger and sought to bring Him back home to Nazareth. But Jesus refused to allow even His mother to deter Him from His divine mission to seek and save the lost.
To release a child is difficult, but wise mothers go against their instincts and do it anyway. It means you don’t tell them what to do unless asked, even though you have such good advice. And you don’t hound them with probing, personal questions: “Going have a baby soon?” “Not going to have any more, are you?” “Do you think that’s the wisest investment of your money?” “Don’t you think that baby should have warmer clothes on?” “Did you go to church this morning?” “Don’t you think you look better without a beard?” Releasing means you pray, encourage and keep your mouth shut.
When I was preparing to leave for college 400 miles from home, my mother said, “You are on your own now. We’ve done the best we could to teach you right from wrong. Now you have to fend for yourself. We’re not going to be checking up on you. We trust you to do what is right.” That may sound harsh or even unloving to some, but in reality, it empowered me and encouraged me to grow up faster.
When I got married four years later, my mother said, “You’re always welcome to come back home to visit. But don’t think you can come back here to live. You have your own home now. Make the best of it.” Maybe she was eager to get rid of me. But I think she was wise enough to know there’s a time to cuddle and correct, and there’s a time to release and encourage.
In the first three Christmases of our marriage, my wife and I spent most of Christmas day driving the 300 miles between my in-laws’ home near Indianapolis and my parent’s home in Northwestern Pennsylvania. We were determined to keep both sets of parents happy. The third Christmas, we battled blowing snow and icy roads, and it was not a pleasant trip, especially with a crying infant in the car.
A couple of days later, before we left to drive back to Kentucky, I tried to gently break the news to my mother that we might miss being in Pennsylvania the next Christmas because of all the hassle. “Mom, we’ve been thinking about how we should spend the holidays next year.” She immediately interrupted me and said, “I’ll tell you what you should do. You need to stay at your own home and celebrate Christmas with your family. That’s what we did when you were growing up. That’s why you liked being at home. Now it’s your time to do the same with your kids.”
You might think my mother didn’t love me, but you’d be wrong. I never questioned that. However, she was wise enough to know God had entrusted her with the responsibility of training children not to depend on her but to become mature enough to cope with life and serve Christ on their own.
It has been said the parent’s job is to give their children roots that they might grow and wings that they might fly. If mom has done her job well, the children will be more likely to be faithful to Christ, loyal to their families, and successful in their jobs, especially if there’s no interference from parents. On this Mother’s Day, I’m thankful for a mom who knew how to release.
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